Do you find yourself grasping at everything-trying to control anything?
Round and round you go. Just like that picture up there suggests, right?
I should do this….to be a good Stepmom. If I could do that….to be a good Stepmom. Man, if everyone would like me….they’d see I’m a good Stepmom. Round and round you go.
“If I ran the show…things would be so different!” “My partner doesn’t listen to me! It’s the same things over and over again!” “The kids…” “Their mom….”
Those steps lead nowhere. As I have told myself before, “Pity Party, party of one? Your table is ready.” Great. I can’t wait to sit there and wallow by myself. Ugh. “The people around don’t understand.” You know what, you are probably correct in that thinking. They don’t get it. They aren’t a Stepmom. Yet, they may say, “Feel free to vent when ever you want! I’ll listen!” Yeah, with judgement on a topic they aren’t super familiar with.
Being a “real” mom? You automatically get allllll of the grace in the world to complain about your kid(s). As a Stepmom? Not even a chance. Think of saying one bad thing or make the smallest of faces when one of your stepkids does something you aren’t too fond of, and the judgement starts. “They are just kids!” “They aren’t your kids!” Ouch. Thank you for reminder..I think? They might not be your kids, but you are showing up in (almost) every single way their mom does. You feed them. Buy their clothes. Clean up after them. Kiss their boo-boos. Tuck them in. Read them stories. Take them on outings. Love them. Play with them. Care for them. Provide a safe, loving environment. Discipline them No, no, no! Remember they are not your kids? You can’t be mad at them. You cant be frustrated! What happened to your Mary Poppins smile and sunny disposition?
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You have needs. You have desires. You have emotional limits. Everyone does. With or without kids. Now mix in someone else’s kids and you’re expected to be on your best behavior 24/7? “You’re the adult.” How many times have you heard that? Or “be the bigger person!” You know what, I actually don’t feel like being the bigger person right now. It can be exhausting. Maybe you want to run, hide, and cry.
Let’s get back to those steps…Those should/could/would “steps”.
They don’t serve you.
The next time you have a choice of continuing up those steps or jumping on the steps of reality, please jump on the steps of reality. Those should/could/would steps are great…for harboring resent. (Trust me. Personal experience. I’ve got the T-shirt.) You’re putting too much weight into “what should/could/would be” and not focusing on what’s happening in reality. Once we clearly see what’s happening in front of us, we can break down the stressors from there. What is frustrating you? What’s annoying you? What’s causing pain? Grief? Panic? Anxiety?
The story isn’t over. You can change the ending…starting today.
If you’re looking for more stepmom support, The Stepmom Side Community is just for you. See you on the inside!
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