The pressure of society to love the kids like they were mine, but the constant reminders that they weren’t. The seemingly constant contact with the ex. Opinions from friends, my family, my husband’s family-EVERYONE had an opinion. I read something online that said, “Unless you’re in the area getting your ass kicked, too, your opinion doesn’t matter.” The advice I didn’t know I needed!

The expectation to show up for everything when I was in my darkest days sent me to google, “what to do if I hate being a stepmom?” There wasn’t much support, so I found myself googling “how to get divorced”. This was not in my “just married” plan, but no one told me there wouldn’t be a honeymoon phase. With kids already in the picture, you go straight to real life.

It took me far too long to admit that we truly needed help. I thought we could just force (pretend?) our way through it. Until we couldn’t and got help. That’s when the healing happened. I didn’t realize I brought baggage to my marriage. I thought I was good-never been married and had no kids. I had figured out how to manage my expectations, get around perfectionism, AND check my ego…but, like, yesterday. I was sabotaging my marriage.