Mother’s Day is so weird as a new stepmom. I mean, it can be weird for stepmoms that are years in-who am I kidding.
Several years ago I found out that “Stepmother’s Day” was the Sunday after Mother’s Day. To be honest, it stung a bit. Not that I feel like I’m my stepkids mom-I’m not, but it was one more thing that felt like it was an after thought.
If Mother’s Day is weird for you, I can bet you it’s weird for your partner, the kids, and extended family. They don’t know what to do or if they should celebrate you-especially if you’re in a challenging time in your blended family. You might do a lot (most?) of the “mom” things when the kids are at your house. You, like moms do, feel the stress, burnout, struggle, love…basically all of the emotions moms feel.
Mother’s Day comes and the countdown is on. You see things about it everywhere. Brunches. Chocolates. Flowers. Homemade cards. Breakfast in bed. Day at the spa. So many things…but you know that the kids are thinking about getting their mom things for Mother’s Day. They aren’t thinking of you. That stings. At school, there is an opportunity for the kid(s) to make a gift for one person. Hint: it’s probably not their stepmom.
If you’re like stepmoms I’ve coached, you struggle (or have struggled) with Mother’s Day. You might ask yourself these questions:
“Should I be celebrated?”
“I feel like an imposter. They don’t appreciate me anyway…right?”
“Will their mom be jealous?”
“Will the kids feel weird? Does my partner?”
Alllllll of the questions. I know. I had them, too.
The best thing I can tell you about getting around this whole weirdness is to have an honest, direct conversation with your partner. Answer these questions:
Do you want to be acknowledged?
How? (Be specific)
Include the kids? (interesting question, but maybe, just maybe, you only want the acknowledgement from your partner. Maybe you feel weird with the kids.)
How do you want the day to play out?
If you’re thinking, I don’t want to tell my partner what I want. I want them to know.
Trust me on this: tell them. Why? Mother’s Day can be tricky. It can be hard. I was sick and tired of not being celebrated in the way that I wanted (big or small), that I just said something. Mother’s Day evolved over the years. Sometimes it was something small. Sometimes big. Sometimes just a card and a “thank you for the things you do.”
Advice to help you out a bit: it’s not going to be perfect. It will be awkward. It might be messy. It might be weird and you want to run, but remember this: everyone is still learning how to navigate this new (blended family) life. Give everyone (including yourself!) a bit of grace in the early years, and ask for what you want-otherwise you don’t get it!
How do you celebrate Mother’s Day? Do you celebrate Stepmother’s Day?
