Are you doing enough?
Is that a question that you wonder often? Too often?
My first question would be: why are you asking yourself this? Are you comparing your version of “enough” to someone else’s standard? Newsflash: someone else’s standard is always going to be different than yours and they aren’t in your shoes.
First things first: people are always going to have an opinion. Especially if you add in the word “Stepmom”. The mental image that is dancing around in their head probably isn’t the best…for starters. If you step up and are involved, you’re overstepping. If you step back and are hands off, you are evil. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Let people have opinions. Do as much (or as little) as you want. It’s ok for this to fluctuate over time. Sometimes you feel confident and are willing to step up. Other times you feel a bit burnt out and need to step back. That’s perfectly normal.
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Now that you know people are always going to have an opinion, let’s work on not caring. No more effffffs given. I know, I know. Easier said than done, right? It starts with you. Figuring out what your role looks like. Gaining confidence and moving forward. Letting people talk and not saying anything is one of the hardest things to do as a Stepmom. Feeling like you need to defend your name, marriage, and life. People can’t argue with someone that says nothing. Some times silence is the best answer. Practicing this is what matters. Start with not responding to emotionally charged texts or emails. Not engaging when the ex is on a rant. Let it go. How people treat you is more about then than is about you.
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Lastly, live your life. Enjoy your marriage. Do your thing. Like/love the kids how you want. Be the wife you want to be-without constantly thinking about how your partner’s first wife acted/did things. The kids are going to grow up and move out of the house, so it’s imperative that you maintain your relationship with your partner. Keep doing things together. Schedule a date night (or day)! Get a sitter. Maybe it looks like cooking dinner together…
As a recap, people are always going to have an opinion on whether or not you are doing enough…let them talk. Let them think whatever. You need to protect your peace.
You are doing enough.
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