Sometimes you just need to bow out. Excuse yourself. Quietly exit (run?) the room.
Currently we have 4 (FOUR!) people home full time. Myself, my husband, my 16 year old stepson, and my 18 month old “ours” baby. It’s a lot. Who knew? Damn. WHO KNEW?! My stepson uses the basement for virtual/online school. My daughter uses the main floor as her entertainment area. Well, to be clear, she is a constant in the living room with her toys AND in the kitchen to get snacks. That includes whatever she can reach on the bottom shelf of the pantry. Those little grunts as she’s trying to reach up are so cute… wait, different story for a different day. My husband is…well, free to be wherever.
I’m the one that needs alone time. I’m the one that needs to recharge. I’m the one that needs to NOT be needed. Ever feel like a ping pong ball going from one person to another in your house? Ever feel touched out? Talked out? Needed out? At the end of the day, I need time for ME. I need to not be touched, talked to, or needed. I need quiet time to do something that…oh, you know…I want to do. Read. Shower. Eat. Breathe? In silence… You know what? I would take starting at a wall some days. Lost in my own thoughts. Haha but seriously.
I remember, vividly, when I became a stepmom. Oh, that wonderful “outsider syndrome” really struck me. I wanted to be a part of everything. In on everything. I wanted the kids to be excited to see me. To WANT to see me (and not just Dad). I wanted the validation I was liked! That I was doing a good job! I wanted to be included. I used to lose sleep over feeling like I was NEVER going to fit in. I would shed tears over it.
Now? Give me some space! I am now the center of EVERYTHING. I AM in everything. I am the glue that holds it all together. I have a mental list miles long. I keep a mental note that has: what we need from the store, what supplies are almost empty (the hand soaps currently need to be filled-they are running low), and what would make for good gifts for upcoming birthdays/holidays. I know you understand, there’s a million things stored and being filed away. All.the.time.
So, yes. I need time away. My husband needs me. My daughter (more than anyone else) needs me. My stepson needs me. Most importantly?
I NEED ME.
I need me to be well rested, fed, and active. I need me to have time to shut out the noise of every day life. I need me to have time alone. I need me to not lose the person I was before becoming a wife. A stepmom. A mom. How do I do that? I make sleep a priority. Ask anyone that knows me…I’m a great sleeper. (So is my daughter-for that matter!) I fuel my body with food that makes me feel good. I move my body-however that looks. Biking, walking, running, lifting.
Where I sometimes struggle (my biggest struggle) is making time for myself. QUIET time to myself. FOCUSED (read: not multitasking) time to myself. So, the other day, I picked up my laptop and walked to my bathroom and closed the door. Everyone got the hint: Mama needs a break. It was nice. So nice to sit there looking at, reading, and doing the things I wanted to do. This blog post could have been written then. It wasn’t, but you get the picture
Guess what happened? I was rejuvenated. My mental load got a few boxes checked. My house was still standing. My husband and daughter had quality time together. My stepson was learning at “school” and me? I was ready to spend time with them….after an hour or two ALONE.
Don’t forget to spend time on yourself. You cannot pour from an empty cup. It’s ok for you to step back. To take time out. To be you. Your family needs you to do it, but more importantly, YOU need you to do it.
What are ways you get time for yourself?
Something for yourself: joining other stepmoms in The Stepmom Side Community. It’s a community built off of social media, so you can be you and not wonder about who is seeing what you’re posting.
