If you’re reading this, you must be a stepmom and you know that life with kids gets crazy pretty quickly. Let me ask you a few things.
Where did you go? What happened to all of the things you LOVED to do? Sleeping in. Staying up late. Grabbing coffee with a friend. Yoga. Running. Working out. Eating what YOU want to eat. Doing what YOU want to do. Going where YOU want to go. Have you become a shadow of your former self? Why?
What happened to all of that? Where did that woman go? She slooooowly slipped out the door. I’m going to guess that you had no idea that the pre-Stepmom you was gone…until it was too late.
Let me guess, it started out simple. “I’ll skip (insert activity) so I can attend (kid activity/family outing/whatever).” One at a time, and then you were skipping alllll of your things, (and hated) but didn’t even realize it until you were this resentful….woman.
If you complain to your partner, they may say, “Well, I didn’t ask you to…” He’s right. You gave up those things on your own…with a bunch of guilt of course. *insert eye roll* There were several things that I gave up. Traveling being the biggest one. I finally told my husband that “this” wasn’t going to work if he expected me to be a “caged animal”. (Yes, those were my words.) Meaning, I still wanted the freedom to go, see, and do when I wanted. He looked at me and said, “Alicia, I never said you couldn’t go anywhere. I just asked for a heads up you were going to be gone.” What? Really?? It was like a weight was lifted. I mean, that’s a reasonable request. I would want to know if the reverse were true.
Here I was resentful I was running my stepchildren places. Caring for them. Doing all of the “mom” things while feeling like I had lost myself. Most of it my fault. These kids have two (actively involved) parents. I don’t need to insert myself…only to feel resentful. Only to begin to loathe it all. That was all on me.
So, Stepmom, here is the permission for YOU to do you. Get back to doing the things you like. Take off the martyr hat. Go have that coffee. Go for a run. Read a book. Take that class.
YOU will feel better. Your family will be better off with a recharged, happy, fulfilled YOU. Take care of you. It’s just like the oxygen masks:
PUT YOURS ON FIRST.
